I've been off of social media for almost a month recovering from a concussion.
I always talk about how important it is to care for community members in this #CapitalistHellscape. I've always been someone who loves caring for people. However, in practice, I struggled to ask for and accept help and care. Part of that is my socialization and lived experience as a cis woman. The other part is the #InternalizedAbelism we all deal with. I've done a lot of work dismantling this inside myself - but alas, it persists.
I often found myself feeling guilty and shameful for needing help. I tended towards not even asking and making assumptions about my loved ones' capacity and desire to help me. I've known this for a long time and been working on it, but it was so easy to fall back into old patterns.
While talking with a friend a few days ago, I mentioned I wanted to see my other close friend but didn't want to ask her to drive an hour to see me because I didn't want to stress her out. Rightfully, my friend called me out and told me it isn't fair to make assumptions about what my loved ones may or may not want to do, and I need to trust people to make those decisions for themselves.
That conversation and my recovery (still ongoing) have served as an important reminder that asking for help requires becoming comfortable with feeling vulnerable, and naturally, under #Capitalism , many of us have internalized the lie that vulnerability is weakness. Like any muscle you want to build, becoming comfortable with being vulnerable takes practice. It feels strange and somewhat painful at first, but when people show up for you, it's not as hard every time you practice it.
Anyway, this is your reminder that caring for others tends to be easier than asking for and accepting care ourselves. Practice being vulnerable with your loved ones. Ask people for help when you need it. People can't show up for you if you don't give them the chance.
In these days of #LetItRip , where #Covid is allowed to continue to spread unchecked, where #Palestinians are killed everyday in a livestreamed #Genocide ,we can't afford to allow the way things are to harden us.
Stay soft. Practice #RadicalCompassion and #Vulnerability. Remember that the internal work of dismantling all the bullshit capitalism ingrains within us is always ongoing.
♡
See yall soon. I'm still recovering, but making small progress every day thanks to my lovely partner and friends.
